Siblings Day
“My brother Sam was my first teammate. He loved me fiercely, he stood up for me, he sat on top of me and annoyed me endlessly, he tricked me into doing his chores, he saved me, he was my captain, he was my best friend, he was my big brother. As I have twisted through these 6 years since his death, many days make me contract into my grief, one of which we are here to celebrate today - Siblings Day. To me, it means an Instagram feed filled with adorable pictures of friends and their siblings, them as kids, them today, still together, still annoying each other with antics, still feeling each other’s love. It is a day wherein I feel the unavoidable absence of my sibling.”
This year, we are here to remember our siblings - say their names, remember their laughter, the heartaches they caused, and the joy they spread. We will hold their lives alongside their deaths, reflecting on what it means to grieve a sister, a brother, a sibling.
Below is a collection of such memories and reflections with contributions from over 50 members of The Dinner Party community. Please read, share, and introduce us to your sibling and your experience of grieving them on social media with #siblingsdayafterloss.
With love, Aggie
TDP Regional Fellow
Kelly | Tucson, AZ
What's the name of the person you lost? Ramon
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? I miss his humor. He had a way of making me laugh and he had a great smile.
What's something helpful someone did for you after you lost them? My moms having a special birthday dinner for him each year has been helpful and also celebrating his angel anniversary together too, which unfortunately is only a month after his birthday.
Nicole | Chicago, IL
What's the name of the person you lost? Robyn
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? I miss Robyn's infectious energy. She could walk into a room and fill it with laughter and love. You could always feel her love when she spoke to you and she knew all of my brother and sisters' secrets because she always listened. I miss that free-spirit who was always ready to take on anything no matter what.
What's something helpful someone did for you after they died? Showed up. I came home to Chicago after being with my family in Ohio and I was alone. Friends who just showed up for me and checked in with me kept me going. Grief is hard and you can't think straight. You don't want to ask for help, you just need someone to give it. Sometimes that means just showing up. Maybe you bring dinner, maybe you bring dessert, maybe you just bring yourself to sit and grieve with me.
Dayna | London, England
What's the name of the person you lost? Shevon
What is your favorite memory of them? Maybe around a year before he died, he was wrestling with my nephew who at the time was only around 4 years old - they adored each other, the laughter and pure joy filled the room.
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? I miss his dimples.
Is there anything you wish people would ask (or not ask)? I've made a lot of new friends over the past year, I wish they were interested in who he was as a person. Through fear of upsetting me no one asks me any questions about him.
Caitlin | Brooklyn
What's the name of the person you lost? Andrew
What is your favorite memory of them? I remember playing with him and my older brother often when we were younger. We made an elaborate, multiple-room fort using the cabinets and tables and chairs in our basement, covered with blankets. We called it our haunted house and we dressed up like witches and ghosts and werewolves. We pretended to brew potions and cackle and howl at the moon together. I also loved racing our little tricycles around on the back porch.
Is there anything you wish people would ask (or not ask)? It's so hard when strangers, acquaintances, or new friends ask me questions like, "do you have any siblings?" or "do you have any brothers or sisters?" I never know how to answer. If I say, I have one brother, I feel like I am lying and erasing Andrew's existence. I HATE doing that. If I tell them I used to have two brothers, the conversation suddenly takes a sad turn and I worry about making them and myself uncomfortable.
Zenobia | Brighton, MA
What's the name of the person you lost? Maleek
What is your favorite memory of them? When he sat my family around the dinner table to tell us about his favorite day ever.
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? I miss the way he would answer the phone.
Hayden | Brooklyn, NY
What's the name of the person you lost? Nicola (Nikki) Hedley (Noxious)
What is a favorite memory you have of them? I think one of my favorite memories of her is during my childhood. She had taken me to the park and I feel off the see-saw. She made me feel so supported after falling off that I didn't even cry.
Is there anything you wish people would ask (or not ask)? How is your grief today? Talk about her. Ask me about her. Remember that my pain and damage is something that you can't see but it is still there.
Chelsea | Massachusetts
What's the name of the person you lost? Camden
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? I do not miss being concerned about the choices he would make (protective older sister instinct). I miss his infectious laughter and our shared sense of humor.
Is there anything you wish people would ask (or not ask)? From day one, I wished people would ask me how I was doing. I have been forced to deal with others' discomfort of someone in deep pain and their inability to process unnatural death. Today, 9 months later, my wish is the same: I wish people would ask me how I am doing or want to know what my brother was like. I know some people do not want to be asked about their loss, but I have advocated for this in my circles and still do not feel that my ongoing pain is acknowledged in this way.
Josie | Los Angeles, CA
What's the name of the person you lost? Wilma
What was their relationship to you? Wilma was my big sister - I always looked up to her and she always took care of me.
What is a favorite memory you have of them? My sister taught me how to read and we used to always read together, quietly and in the same room. As we grew older, we constantly sent each other books we finished or ordered two of the same book, and talked about them.
Is there anything else that you want to share or that you wish we had asked you? On any birthday, special occasion, life changes, or even personal successes/failures I wish people would acknowledge how hard it is for me that she's missing out on them. She was my biggest supporter throughout my entire life. She helped raise me and was my closest person and I don't know how to explain what a big hole is left in my life now that she's gone to people who don't have the same relationship.
Diane | Washington, DC
What's the name of the person you lost? Emily
What is a favorite memory you have of them? We spent summer vacations at Eagles Mere Lake in Pennsylvania and always built the best sandcastles together. I also really loved watching Emily become a mother and the love she so clearly had for her daughter.
What's something helpful someone did for you after they died? Two friends drove two hours to be with me despite having to work and study for finals. One of those friends came back every weekend for the first three weeks. I honestly don’t know how I would have survived without them.
Emily | Philadelphia, PA
What's the name of the person you lost? John
What is your favorite memory of them? Almost one year before John died, he, my sister and I took a weeklong road trip from San Francisco to Seattle after his college graduation. That was the first and only time we spent that much time together, just the three of us, and it forged our sibling bond even deeper than it was before. The first night we stayed on a mini horse farm in the middle-of-nowhere-California and went on a late night walk. The sky was so unadulterated that you could see every single star. John and I convinced my sister to lay down in the middle of a road with us to stargaze. We belly laughed and soaked in the beauty above us. It’s a simple memory, but it’s such a fond one.
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? John loved to go deep - he would ask you personal questions, existential questions, ask you to share your opinions on controversial topics, your beliefs, your memories, your fears, your life goals. He didn’t just ask these questions because he liked to talk, but rather because he wanted to listen and learn. It was inspired by his highly inquisitive nature. He wanted to know what mattered to you so that he could broaden his perspective of the world, and so that he could respect and love each person in his life for their individuality. I haven’t yet found this quality in any other person. It was incredibly unique and special and refreshing - I miss that about having John in this world.
Corinne | Amherst, NH
What's the name of the person you lost? Brendan
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? I miss seeing Brendan in the role of father most -- he was an incredible parent. Seeing our sons grow up is such a gift but they are also a clear demonstration of the passage of time since his death.
I also miss my brother at our extended family's gatherings -- I see my aunts and uncles who remain close as they have aged and it quickly sinks in that my brother and I will miss out on all those conversations -- recalling our experiences growing up together, with our parents, our childhood friends, and our own children as they grow.
What's something helpful someone did for you after you lost them? An amazing group of friends showed up to support me on the day of his memorial, having driven/flown into Boston from across the country. That demonstration of love on the hardest day of my life is something I can't ever repay.
Eve | Brooklyn, NY
What's the name of the person you lost? Maxx
What is your favorite memory of them? Going to the movies with them and looking over at them during the movie and seeing them marvel at the screen. They were also my spell check. I used to text them asking how to spell something (spelled incorrectly), and they'd respond with the proper spelling. They always knew what I was trying to write. Another memory is that on my birthday of this year (November 8th), even though their memory was all but gone, I woke them up that morning and when they asked what day it was they instantly opened their eyes looked at me and wished me a happy birthday.
Jade | Biddeford, ME
What's the name of the person you lost? Michael
What is your favorite memory of them? Every memory is cherished, but I really miss his smile, and the way we’d bicker over the bathroom in the morning!
What's something helpful someone did for you after you lost them? People who just listened and let me cry.
Jesse | Brooklyn, NY
What's the name of the person you lost? Jordan
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? I miss his warm hugs, impeccable music taste, and high pitched laugh.
Is there anything you wish people would ask (or not ask)? I wish more people would ask me questions in general. He was a huge part of my life, and still is.
Jakob | Bonn, Germany
What's the name of the person you lost? Sophie
What's something helpful someone did for you after they died? Having people continue to check in on me months after the fact, send letters or notes just letting me know they're thinking of me, or asking to see or learn more about them. There's such a wave and outpour of support in the first month after mom and sister died and then slowly but surely, people forget or don't bring them up. Maybe it's out of fear of discomfort or forgetting that it's still such a big part of my life but I don't want to forget and I don't want to move on and I still want to remember them with others and share my memories of them with others.
Is there anything else that you want to share or that you wish we had asked you? I just wish I could see her again, hear her, talk to her, hug her, and have my baby sister back in my life.
Conner | Los Angeles, CA
What's the name of the person you lost? Kelly
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? I miss his positive energy and laugh.
Is there anything you wish people would ask (or not ask)? It's hard for me to say. Sometimes I love talking about him, sometimes I would rather not bring it up. I can't fault someone for not knowing what to ask because I don't even know what I want to be asked.
Jessica | Durham, NC
What's the name of the person you lost? Missy
What is your favorite memory of them? One summer day, Missy and I were playing around in the backyard while the grown-ups were working out front. The stairs out back were freshly built and the wood planks were a little sharp. I slipped while dashing down the stairs and cut my Achilles heel. The wound was pretty deep and it wouldn't stop bleeding. I told Missy that I didn't want Mom to find out because she was already really stressed out, so she ran into our parents' bathroom and found gauze and band-aids and helped me doctor the cut.
As far as I know, Mom never found out. I still have a scar from the incident and I think about Missy every time I see it.
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? I miss her honesty. She was blunt but not without empathy. She just didn't have patience for anyone's bullsh*t. I've always admired that about her.
Allison | Brooklyn, NY
What's the name of the person you lost? Erica
Is there anything you wish people would ask (or not ask)? "How are you doing?" It's been almost 13 years (to the day on April 4th), and it feels like people have started to forget when really the loss still often feels so present to me.
What's something helpful someone did for you after they died? My best friend, Emma, dedicated her life to helping others. She went on to be a palliative care social worker with families and children who have chronic and terminal illnesses. She spends every day doing work in honor of Erica. She has walked alongside me for the last 13 years and is always the first person to know what I need and when I need it. She simply was there and that's the best thing anyone can do.
Casey | Chicago, IL
What's the name of the person you lost? John Robert (J.R.)
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? I miss a lot of things about him: saying his name (something I never thought of having to grieve). Our spontaneous tap-dancing sessions in the kitchen. The way he could bring fun, laughter, and joy into a room. Watching him love his son and fiancée. But really, I miss watching his story unfold--he was 20 when he died and there is so much that I want to know. It feels like I was in the middle of reading this story that I loved only to turn a page in the middle and realize that the author abruptly stopped writing--and now I'm left with this constant, nagging feeling of wondering how it was supposed to end.
What's something helpful someone did for you after they died? On the day of the visitation, I was talking to some of my friends when I mentioned with a laugh (in attempt to lighten the mood) that the heel on my shoe had broken. Immediately, one of my guy friends asked me what size shoe I wore. I told him and he promptly left. A little while later, he returned with a new (cute) pair of heels and a dress, a black one with polka dots, which he got to replace the one I was going to wear to the funeral. He saw a need and filled it, and his actions spoke volumes more than words ever could.
Lucas | New York, NY
What's the name of the person you lost? Carl
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? Their complete acceptance of me
Is there anything you wish people would ask (or not ask)? Ask me about the good times instead of "what happened?"
Maya | Baltimore, MD
What's the name of the person you lost? Ariana
What is your favorite memory of them? Driving home from a family dinner as teenagers and rocking out SO HARD to silly pop music that we got looks from all the other cars around us. Also, taking her and her friends out to a club (that was totally not my scene) for her 18th birthday and playing chauffeur.
What's something helpful someone did for you after you lost them? Most people avoided the subject completely, but I found it really helpful when a couple friends asked how I was doing and asked about my sister - they weren't afraid to bring it up, which is good because it was constantly on my mind. It's not like anyone was going to suddenly remind me that my 18-year-old sister had just died suddenly.
Sophie | Washington D.C.
What's the name of the person you lost? Olivia
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? All the inside jokes, stories and experiences only the two of us shared and could laugh about.
Is there anything you wish people would ask (or not ask)? I wish people would ask to hear more stories about her!
What's something helpful someone did for you after they died? Not be afraid to talk about positive memories with me.
Tatiana | Washington, D.C.
What's the name of the person you lost? Adriana (“Adri”)
What is your favorite memory of them? It’s hard to pick a single best memory of my sister but I often find myself missing the small, mundane things the most. Driving in her car—that she so often dinged and scratched, she would duck tape her front bumper frequently, laughing the whole time—with Tame Impala or the Black Keys or Led Zeppelin blasting, singing along to every word. This is as free as I’ve ever felt.
Is there anything you wish people would ask (or not ask)? Sometimes all we need is someone to look us in the eyes and be there, in the moment, accepting our grief and seeing us for everything we still are outside of that pain.
Mimi | Ann Arbor, MI
What's the name of the person you lost? Patricia (Trisha)
What is a favorite memory you have of them? On New Year’s Eve, almost a week before Trisha passed, she and I lied to our parents and told them we were going to her friend’s party in Ann Arbor. Little did they know, we hopped on Megabus to go party with our older sister, Rose, in Chicago. Despite the hour time difference, we called our parents right at midnight, so that we wouldn’t blow our cover! The party was lackluster but we had such a good time!
Is there anything else that you want to share or that you wish we had asked you? Grief is not hierarchical. While it shouldn’t be, my experience has revealed the ways that sibling grief sometimes gets overlooked. People often focus on the grief that children, parents, and partners/spouses feel when a loved one dies. The bond between siblings is so beautiful. Our siblings are often our first friends (sometimes enemies), mentors, etc. Trisha taught me to love deeply, intentionally, and abundantly. It is this love that gives me hope in times when my grief overwhelms me.
Jillian | Laurel, MD
What's the name of the person you lost? Kevin
Is there anything else that you want to share or that you wish we had asked you? I enjoy doing things to remember and honor my brother. I still want his name to be said and his passions to be recognized. He was such a loving person. I wish I had more pictures and recordings of him.
Is there anything you wish people would ask (or not ask)? Ask me anything about him. My favorite memory. What he liked. Where he lived. About his pets. About our childhood. I just want to remember it all, and it fades if I don’t recall it all. That is the hardest part- losing my memories of him.
Kate | Baltimore, MD
What's the name of the person you lost? Elizabeth
What is your favorite memory of them? Elizabeth couldn't read or write, but she loved to text and snap chat. It started when we both got Razor phones for Christmas in the mid-2000s. As technology progressed and she got an iphone with Siri her text messages evolved from bunches of letters to clusters of words to full sentences with lots of emojis. Receiving a text from Elizabeth was always the best part of my day, it meant she was thinking of me and I could feel her love.
What's something helpful someone did for you after you lost them? Messages sending love and support meant a lot to me. Something more than a comment on a facebook or instagram post. A real message sharing a memory of her or just sending a virtual hug. Elizabeth had a special impact during her time here, and hearing those stories always makes me smile.
Andrea | Sacramento, CA
What's the name of the person you lost? Richard
What's something helpful someone did for you after they died? Although food was so appreciated (and devoured), one thing that stands out most is a cousin who brought face masks and little beauty products over when she visited. I loved that I didn't have to use them right away, and that when I was in the mood to pamper myself again they were there. In the weeks following his death, it was a reminder to nurture myself.
Is there anything else that you want to share or that you wish we had asked you? Richard was the most authentic, curious, and generous guy! He made those that knew him better, just by being himself. His life and his loss continues to color every thing I do, and shape me into the person I am. Being his oldest sister will forever be the privilege of my life.
Molly | New York, NY
What's the name of the person you lost? Matt
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? I miss him making me laugh like no one else can. I miss him taking me under his wing, and prioritizing me over his friends. I felt incredibly validated by him, not like I was just his kid sister. I miss how he made me feel, really.
What's something helpful someone did for you after you lost them? An old teacher I was never particularly close to visited my home and shared that he had lost his sibling in an accident when he was young as well, and if I ever wanted to talk to him, to just reach out. I never did reach out, but I never forgot how kind that was.
Taylor | Tucson, AZ
What's the name of the person you lost? Justin
What is your favorite memory of them? Simply laughing with him. Justin could be so silly and had a contagious laugh that you couldn't help being affected by. The way he would poke fun at all of us would have our family crying with laughter.
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? I miss just having a big brother. I miss that person who is supposed to be a role model or the person who is supposed to give me advice. I miss having someone to call who I can talk about things with who would understand my perspective as a child.
Olivia | Austin, TX
What's the name of the person you lost? Kellon
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? I miss having someone that truly understands what our childhood was like.
What's something helpful someone did for you after you lost them? When I came back to where I was living after spending a few weeks with my parents, a group of my friends had cleaned my room and left me a small care package in my room. I was so nervous to return and that made such a difference.
Hayley | Philadelphia, PA
What's the name of the person you lost? Brendan
What is your favorite memory of them? One of the best memories I have of Brendan is when he surprised me by showing up to my Sweet 16. He had been in rehab and wasn't really allowed out, but got special permission to come to my Sweet 16 party (we had it at my town community center). I remember literally having to catch my breath when I turned around and saw him walking in the door. I remember being so surprised and happy to see him--my big brother, standing there in an olive green button down shirt and tie with a Build-a-Bear gift for me. I cried literal pure tears of joy seeing him, knowing that he worked hard to be there for me, knowing that he loved me that much to surprise me. I'll never forget hugging him that night, holding him and telling him how happy I was to see him. I remember dancing with him afterwards, and just thinking about how nice it was to feel like our relationship was normal--that for those moments, he wasn't a drug addict or a criminal, that he was just my big brother, dancing with me at my Sweet 16.
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? It makes me sad to say, but I don't miss the disappointment... there were always feelings of disappointment with Brendan because of his addiction issues. I think the hardest thing of all was that he knew he was disappointing us--and often times hurting us--but couldn't stop. Addiction makes you ill. It takes over. And it makes me sad that Brendan disappointed us, but even more sad that he disappointed himself time and again. That he couldn't seem to keep his promises. I definitely don't miss the feelings of disappointment, even though I do miss him.
Michelle | Rialto, CA
What's the name of the person you lost? Josh
What is your favorite memory of them? Dodger Games. My brother was my partner in sports. We never missed a beat once baseball season started. No matter what was happening in our lives, baseball always connected us.
Is there anything else that you want to share or that you wish we had asked you? Sibling loss is rough. I shared my entire childhood and young adulthood into mature adults with my brother. And one thing people don’t understand is that when one loses a siblings, a part of that is gone. I wish people would acknowledge siblings more.
Nikki | Fort Collins, CO
What's the name of the person you lost? Robby
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? I miss his voice more than anything.
Is there anything you wish people would ask (or not ask)? I wish people wouldn't ask me how many siblings I have. I don't know how to answer that.
Is there anything else that you want to share or that you wish we had asked you? I enjoy doing things to remember and honor my brother. I still want his name to be said and his passions to be recognized. He was such a loving person. I wish I had more pictures and recordings of him.
Charlotte | Chicago, IL
What's the name of the person you lost? Chris
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? I miss the brother that was gentle and kind hearted. I don't miss watching him suffer with mental illness and substance abuse.
What's something helpful someone did for you after they died? So many people did so much that it's hard to come up with one instance, but the night of his funeral we had a huge party and one interaction I will always remember, and appreciate, was a heart-to-heart I had with two people. My brother died of suicide and struggled for many years with substance abuse and mental illness. Most people, not surprisingly, didn't bring that up in the days following his death, probably because they thought it'd be too painful to discuss. However, I found that having an honest conversation about the complexity of grief helped me more than the typical words of comfort spoken after a person dies.
Sarah | Whitehouse Station, NJ
What's the name of the person you lost? Christopher
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? I miss his infectious smile, sense of humor, and caring about those around him. Sadly those were lost to his addiction long before his life. I don't miss the sleepless nights - waiting for the call to come that let me know something had gone wrong.
What's something helpful someone did for you after you lost them? One of our closest friends flew to Florida, where Christopher had been living, and cleaned out his apartment and took care of everything so that my mother and I did not have to. One of my closest girlfriends drove 3+ hours to just to sit in the church for me at the funeral. Another dropped spaghetti and meatballs on my doorstep when I returned home just so she knew I would be fed. My grandmother's lifelong friend had her daughter drive her 3+ hours just so she could sit with my grandmother in the afternoon. Kindnesses, big and small. It's what makes it just a bit easier to get up in the morning.
Tomi | Eaton, CO
What's the name of the person you lost? Toby
What is your favorite memory of them? Riding dirt bikes on a trail but under the bridge he lost the seat to his dirt bike and he could barely reach the ground on it anyways, but when he lost his seat, he goes “look I can reach now.” It wasn’t the fact that he lost his seat or could reach, he made the best out of any scenario and always cherished every moment.
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? I miss everything. His laughter, making unforgettable memories, and how he could brighten up your day in the matter of a second, not matter how bad of a day you were having.
Tiarra | Eaton, CO
What's the name of the person you lost? Toby
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? I miss him being there for every event, and just being by my side in general. My brother was the one I always looked up to..
What's something helpful someone did for you after you lost them? Just being there for me and my family.
Sara | Ypsilanti, MI
What's the name of the person you lost? Matthew
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? I miss his intelligence. His astute understanding of culture. He was compassionate and looked out for me. I miss his silliness. I miss his desire for a better life. I miss the chance to have a relationship with him.
What's something helpful someone did for you after they died? I was 20 and an assistant manager at a Quiznos. The day his body was found, they closed the store down so I could have the day to take it all in. After we reopened I had developed such a rapport with the customers, I had so many cards and flowers.
Amber | Seattle, WA
What's the name of the person you lost? Micah
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? I miss their laugh, humor, them calling me sissy, playing games with them, being their friend and giving them advice, adventuring outside, playing disc golf, I miss so much
Is there anything you wish people would ask (or not ask)? I don’t want to be asked how he passed, it was an overdose and the stigma is real.
Amanda | Colorado
What's the name of the person you lost? Cody
What is a favorite memory you have of them? While I was still in high school I worked as a hostess at a local restaurant. Cody was only 10 at the time. Every night I would come home from work and that sweet little boy would offer to tickle my back before he had to go to bed (because he knew I love back tickles). He did this after almost every single shift for over a year.
What's something helpful someone did for you after they died? My mother-in-law watched my kids and kept my house work done for me the entire week we planned his funeral that way I could be with my mother and other two siblings.
Anne | New Jersey
What's the name of the person you lost? Caitlin
Is there anything you wish people would ask (or not ask)? I wish people would ask me to tell them about my sister, her interests, her goals, her dreams. I want to do whatever I can to keep her memory alive.
What's something helpful someone did for you after they died? After Caitlin died, her friends shared photos and videos of her that put a smile on my face.
Annie | Chicago, IL
What's the name of the person you lost? Erin
What is a favorite memory you have of them? Erin is my oldest sister and my favorite memory of her, although it is hard to choose just one, was all the times she advocated for others-- even if they were strangers to her. Being four years younger than her, I did not always understand it. But growing up I understood that she wore her heart on her sleeve and loved unconditionally-- giving others the courage to do the same.
What's something helpful someone did for you after they died? Someone pulled me into a hug and said "welcome to the club that no one wants to be a part of." It really stuck with me and I found it very comforting. This is a club that no one wants to be a part of but it is a club of people who love harder and deeper than anyone else I know.
Is there anything else that you want to share or that you wish we had asked you? When someone asks me about my siblings, I always include Erin. The bond of siblings is incredibly strong-- death doesn't come close to changing it. As I grow, I love and appreciate her more and more. On Siblings day, and every other day, I am thinking of everyone who has also lost a sibling and sending them strength and love. Our siblings are so special and we will never stop celebrating their lives.
Cat | United Kingdom
What's the name of the person you lost? Andrew (Andy)
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? His jokes, his presence, being able to spend time as a complete family and sharing nostalgic stories.
Is there anything you wish people would ask (or not ask)? I wish people would ask about him rather than ignoring the subject. I don't want him to be forgotten.
The image above is a bookmark my brother gave to me, which I thought I'd misplaced. Thankfully I found it and now really treasure it.
Alison | Paris, Canada
What's the name of the person you lost? Abby
What is a favorite memory you have of them? Growing up, Abby was one hell of a loan shark. She always had money and I always needed money to satisfy a sugar addiction. When I was 8, she 7, I borrowed $2.50 from her to buy peanut M&Ms. She lent it to me after I begged her for it, and agreed to pay her back plus interest of 25 cents for every hour until I paid her back. By the time I remembered to pay her back I owed her over $20 in interest. Loan. Shark.
What's something helpful someone did for you after you lost them? Two weeks after Abby died, I was back home in New York talking with a group of friends from an improv class, waiting to see an improv show together. I'd missed our last class and when someone asked where I'd been I let them know my sister had died. Radio silence. Then one of the guys told me his brother had died ten years earlier and that the grief never goes away. Almost seven years later, I'm still grateful for his honesty.
Diane | Baldwin Park, CA
What's the name of the person you lost? Brian
What is a favorite memory you have of them? One of the memories I keep going back to is the Thursday night before Brian's death we went bike riding with a friends, laughed, ate tacos and then rode back home around 11:00 pm. On the ride home, a car sped up and almost hit me but Brian managed to get in between the car and me forcing the driver to stop. After that incident I made a joke that he was my hero and saved my life. I think about how scary and powerful that night was, reminding me that he loved me and will forever be my hero.
What's something helpful someone did for you after you lost them? I am forever grateful for the community of colleagues, coworkers and friends that supported me after Brian's death. From people delivering food to our house, helping create his final mixtape and organizing a memorial bike ride. I know that I wouldn't have survived those initial dark months without so much love from my support group. I am especially thankful to have a grief partner, someone who knew both my brother and I, and somehow stayed by my side through the ugliest moments of my grief.
Nicole | Louisville, KY
What's the name of the person you lost? Brent
What is a favorite memory you have of them? The little laugh he had when he was surprised ❤️
What's something helpful someone did for you after they died? Let me talk about it and be sad, or not, it’s just nice to say his name and memories.
Aimee | Virginia
What's the name of the person you lost? Kelly
What's something helpful someone did for you after they died? My best friend and sisters just laid in bed with me and didn’t say a word. We just silently laid there and cried. That was better than a thousand “how are you doing?”
Is there anything else that you want to share or that you wish we had asked you? Every loss is different and every person grieves differently but I am here for and stand by all the siblings who feel alone after the loss of a brother or sister.
Marjorie | Raleigh, NC
What's the name of the person you lost? Sara
What is a favorite memory you have of them? logistical planning of vacations and packing
What do you miss (or not miss) about them? the loss of her not seeing her family grow and all the support she provided others across the country as she is quite gifted in so many areas .